Posted by TragicImage on September 24, 2004 at 10:41 [67.125.195.216]
In Reply to: The Playschool baby posted by Kevin on September 23, 2004 at 22:47
uhm. work it out some more... especially the opening. its kinda muddled, add in some more story line, little more description. If you add some flavoring to the story, I'm sure it'd be worlds better.
It seems like you have a decent idea of where you wanna take the story, but you just haven't hashed it out all the way. But alittle extra effort into this, maybe make it 5 or 6 paragraphs long, and it'll be decent.
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