Posted by Zorro on September 10, 2007 at 14:21 [69.249.98.187]
I've debated posting this for a long time. It's a very personal story. After having controlled my emotions enough to tell a few people this story, I fugred it was time to post it outright.........
When I was in third grade, an exchange student was introduced to our class. It was on march 8th (my birthday). She was the tiniest little thing I had ever seen. She was terribly shy.
I walked up to her on the first day and introduced myself. I found out why inside of about 20 seconds why she was so terribly shy. She was incontinent. Completely incontinent.
I didn't know the word "incontinent" in third grade, but that's what she was, and she wore a diaper all the time. She was so embarrassed to have told me, and she begged me not to tell anyone. I told her not to worry. I would say nothing to anyone, and I offered her a seat next to me at lunch. She was new and knew no one at all. (That has to be one of the worst moments of a new student’s day when they get their tray of food and then look for a seat in the lunchroom.)
I think it was at lunch that somebody discovered she was wearing a diaper. She was wearing a little red poka-dotted country dress on that day. Somehow her diaper became visible, and my Lord ... I can still hear them teasing her. The entire lunchroom soon knew. She was mortified, completely crushed. I remember the tears streaming down her face. She could hardly swallow her food. It was horrible.
I started screaming back at everybody to stop. They wouldn't.
We went out to recess after that, and she was still beside herself. I walked over to her and asked her if she was all right. She just stood there crying her eyes out, and then an emotion came over me that made me take her in my arms. I hugged her, and she balled into my chest.
Then some kids (some of which were close friends of mine) came over and started teasing her again, and I lost it. I'm not a violent person at all. But at that moment (and in my defense, at the age of 10, I didn't have well-developed problem solving skills yet), I punched this one kid square between the eyes.
I was taken to the office and I explained what had happened, and more importantly what was happening to this new girl. The principal told me that my intentions were admirable (a word I looked up in the dictionary that night) I really needed to find non-violent ways to resolve my conflicts.
That was one of ten fights I got into between that day and the end of school. No one ever got to know her, and she & I became joined at the hip. I even told the teacher to put move me next to her. Recesses were she and I kicking a ball back and forth to each other.
She had to permission to leave the room when she relieved herself and needed changed. She was always very good at quietly taking care of that so no one knew. But I remember the day when she pooped herself in the line-up to go back in from recess. I immediately took her to the nurse. She was balling all the way there. I put my arms around her, and she rested her head on my shoulder. The nurse sent me back to class right away.
And that was her experience at the school. She moved away in June and I never saw her again, but from that experience, I developed the desire to be a caregiver. I didn't know to label my emotion or role as "caregiver" at that age, but the thought remained with me after that.
And it wasn't until I was 22 that I discovered "infantilism" on the internet. I researched it for years, found a bazillion websites titled as having ABDL content (Adult Baby Diaper Lover).
I was hooked. I looked for her all over the internet, and couldn't find her. It was a long shot that she had found some sort of "peace" with her condition or even enjoyment from it. She must have had a horrible childhood because of it.
I never found her, but realized that a part of heart, a very large part of my heart belonged to that girl. How she made me feel and how I made her feel turned into a "bond" that was inseparable.
After overcoming a lot of fear, I posted a profile on the ABDL sites that I frequented. Then I realized that I was probably not going to find anyone. The ratio of male to female infantilists on the internet is 9 males to every one female. And most of the females don't want to be the baby, but rather the Mommy. And most of those Mommies are into power and control.
It's a part of my heart and my soul to be a caregiver, a "Daddy" if you will. But I'm as gentle as a daddy can get. I've found that it's just as important to state what you're NOT about as opposed to what you ARE about.
My list of "will not do"s is a mile long. Unlike some, I d find no interest in punishment, humiliation, discipline, embarrassment, torture, anything BDSM-related, spanking, public exposure, and the like. That's what some people are looking for and that's great, but it's not for me at all.
When you bring any one of those things into it, the innocence and charm of infantilism is ruined, destroyed, and lost.
I summarize my interest in it best with: For me "it's about a girl in a diaper and the guy who takes care of her."
Above all else, the AB/DL Girl I seek must have a deep-rooted desire to be taken care of, to put her trust in me to protect her, keep her safe, and make her feel comfortable. Just like that girl in third grade.
Email: zorroabdaddy@yahoo.com
Home Page : Zorro's Lair