Posted by GentleDad on January 16, 2010 at 09:27 [174.54.32.108]
In Reply to: Was I a bad Daddy? posted by Hurting Daddy on January 16, 2010 at 08:27
I've been in this situation, and it's difficult. My short answer is, yes, you made a mistake by looking for her. The chances that something truly bad happened to her (car accident, hospital, etc) are very small. I feel that your own neediness was at work here. It is understandable that she felt violated by your intrusion. The correct thing would have been to leave one voicemail message for her, or one email, expressing concern that she is not there, and then sit back and wait. It might not be an easy wait, but you have to do it. Now for her - she is not off the hook either. You say she is not answering certain questions. The nature of these questions is important. The only relevant question is: Where were you, and why didn't (or couldn't) you contact me? If this was your question, and she is truly refusing to answer it, then I feel that this is, and has to be, the end of your relationship. What more could you have after something like this? It would never leave your mind. Something this huge cannot be swept under the carpet. But she may be holding back on her explanation for the 24 hours until you admit your mistake for the intrusion. Intrusions make people feel unsafe. Tell her that you were too needy, your neediness make you f*ck up, send her flowers, and offer your sincere apology. Hopefully, she will relax then, and explain the disappearance to your complete satisfaction. But if she does not, or she offers only a BS explanation ("Stuff came up, I was horrendously busy." - but no more detail than that), then, if I put myself in your position, I think I would suddenly realize that I was looking at nothing. You need to apologize and mean it, and she needs to explain in detail and believably what happened, and you both need to agree that this won't be happening again.
Email: tonyhd383-src@yahoo.com