Posted by Maria on June 25, 2009 at 14:47 [76.113.117.88]
So here it is, the year of our grace whatsoever – won’t tell because that would reveal my exact age, but I am a whopping forty years old, sitting in front of my very first home computer that has Internet access, thinking life is supposed to “begin at 40,” which for an aging bachelorette with no boyfriend means I am prepared to slut around to the max and be a total perv about it.
Having always been a kinky gal, I look for kink. Oh, here’s something called alt.com, they say I can be a member for free, isn’t that nice of them! Okay. Now let’s look for a guy. Oh, and this is cute, I can choose my fetish and they even have a listing for coprophilia, now I am onto something!
So I start thinking that since this is a rare fetish, I should probably not declare any limitations on location or age, just press down that coprophiliac key and call for a search.
Good Lord! Who ever would have suspected there were that many guys!!! The list goes on for pages and pages!!!
Okay, Maria, let’s try to keep it down to within 300 miles of your location.
Ah, that’s better! Really narrows the playing field! But what’s this??? The nice folks at alt.com aren’t quite as nice as they appear to be, because a free member can’t even access an individual’s complete profile. You have to pay for that. All I can do is give what they call a “wink,” and hope that some of them, those who paid their dues and can e-mail me, will do so.
So what do you think? Just as on all fetish sites, the men outnumber the women so much that every single dude I winked at writes back to me and my e-mail inbox is overloaded. I will need days to work through all of this.
Now comes the weary task of replying to all these people, most of whom sent orders for me to “submit” to their will or mailed me dick pix. Now comes the hard task of telling them that this gal only winked at them because they listed coprophilia as one of their fetishes (usually among a multitude), so hey sir, exactly what kind of scat play turns you on?
So now I learn the hard truth, which is that 95% of these guys basically just want to take a dump on my stomach, my boobs, or my face. It takes me more than a month to eliminate all these guys and end up with a small group who actually do get a stiffy when a grown woman poops in her pants.
Of this small group, the vast majority are so weird that they scare even me, and I don’t scare easily. By this time I am almost losing faith that anyone can enjoy our fetish and still be legally sane. Most of these guys need to be locked in a soft room with only their tinfoil hats (to keep away the aliens) for company.
But I have found two guys. One of them is older than me, and somewhat overweight. I know I would never want to have sex with him, but he seems like a really nice person. I agree to meet him. His name is Roy.
And then there’s Jack. Oh, Jack! Thirty-something and very good-looking, really my dreamboat, but I sense something in him that is a bit, well… harsh. Perhaps too domineering. Not to be trusted.
I make up my mind to meet both of them.
And in good time I did meet both of them!
But I decide to meet Roy first.
By the way, both of them are in the San Francisco Bay area, while I am in southern California. Roy has more freedom to travel. He agrees to be a perfect gentleman, drive down here and stay at a motel near me, and meet me in a very public place, actually an Applebee’s, so that I can safely decide whether to pursue the matter.
The day comes at last. The e-mail from his laptop announces that he is at the motel. It is time for our meeting.
Anyone care to know what happened next?
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