Posted by pants on March 12, 2010 at 22:00 [175.33.70.76]
In Reply to: Re: Questionnaire posted by Logger on March 12, 2010 at 20:44
Logger,
Thanks for sharing mate. The propositions 1 – 10 can be regarded as ways of feeling at a particular time, and the response can be approached by considering whether you ever feel that way.
It may be surprising that people will actually vary. You asked ‘Who doesn’t?’ to proposition 3. Probably plenty of people. I know I like to disclose everything with people I trust. It makes me feel close to them.
Thanks for picking up/reading past the typo in prop 5. Which is suppose to read: “I hide the real me”
I’m not surprised you misinterpreted the contents of proposition 7 as an error. It is not supposed to read ‘I am often critical OF myself’, rather it is intended as it is written:
I am often critical and rejecting *myself*.
Or reworded: ‘I am often critical and rejecting of others, especially those who seem to love me.’ Does make more sense to you?
You are right, it can be self destructive or maladaptive to feel or think the things outlined in the propositions, however it isn’t ‘stupid’ to do so. The attitudes represented here result from early life experiences, and while they can be harmful, are not due to a lack of intelligence. It is important people understand that. People with this lifetrap will almost certainly be suffering as a result of it (at least more often than they need to, if not continuously), but the good news is the lifetrap can be addressed/changed, as can peoples’ lives.
Your responses are very interesting Logger, and quite literally text book. The book from which I am quoting covers only two case studies for the Defectiveness schema, each of which is offered as a fairly typical example of the two major types of manifestation that this schema can take in people.
The patient ‘Eliot’, is introduced to the chapter as follows:
‘Our first impression of Eliot is one of tight self-control. Throughout the session, we glimpse a kind of cold anger underneath. Eliot has come to therapy with his wife, Maria, to focus on marital problems.
Eliot and Maria have been married for seven years and have one child. Maria has just found out that Eliot has been having an affair. She threatened to leave the marriage unless he agreed to come to therapy. In that first session, he told us, “I really don’t think that *I* need to be here,” and “If you ask me, *she’s* the one who has problems.” It is almost as if he expected us to work with him to solve *her* problems.
Throughout the session, Eliot is critical of Maria and critical of us. It is difficult to connect with him. He keeps a distance. After we explain lifetrap therapy to them, he says, “It sounds incredibly simple-minded,” and “Is that all there is to this therapy?” We know he is testing us, and we tell him so. “You want to make sure we can handle you.” He wants to see if he can put us one-down – if he can make us defensive. When he sees that he cannot, we gain some of his respect.
Although we are feeling irritated, we remain empathic. We know, underneath, Eliot is frightened of us. He is afraid we can see through him.’
The chapter follows the two case studies (including Eliot’s) by revealing excerpts from the therapy sessions which detail how the clients function. The excerpts reveal how the client’s behaviours cause them problems, what the underlying causes of the behaviours are, and how the therapists worked with the clients to effectively improve some of the troubles the clients were experiencing. Logger, I think you would be very interested in some of the dialogue. There are some striking similarities, although I expect you may choose to focus on how none of it applies to you. That tendency is also explored.
That’s all I have time for today.
To anyone else who may be reading this, the Defectiveness schema can manifest itself in very different ways. Please do not be discouraged to share your experiences. This stuff can be extremely enlightening, helpful and interesting.