Posted by Cowboy on February 09, 2010 at 00:29 [79.97.32.131]
NASA Tuesday unveiled a new, high-tech space suit that will travel with astronauts on their journey aboard the space Shuttle Endeavor, which launched on Wednesday.
The suits, which are purposefully designed for the cleanup and removal of solid waste from within the suit itself, will be used in the many instances of pants-shitting expected to occur on the three month long trip.
“I’mmmm shiiiiittingggg my paaaants riiiight nowwwwwwww!!!,” exclaimed Endeavor captain Howard Steinhoff upon liftoff Wednesday, field-testing his new suit for the first time.
The space shuttle’s departure from earth’s atmosphere requires astronauts to endure nearly four times the force of Earth’s gravity and is generally accompanied by at least some pants-shitting.
Lead engineer of the project, Chip Hansen, said that the suits have been in development for more than two months, following the launch of Space Shuttle Atlantis, when it was discovered that damage to the heat-proof tiles of the ship upon takeoff resulted in major pants-shitting among the shuttle’s crew.
“We’re not making that mistake again,” said Hansen, while demoing the suit with Endeavor’s crew. “Any number of things can go wrong on this voyage, from heat-shield disintegration to a breach in the air-tight seal of the cabin.”
The crew’s eyes widened in terror as Hansen continued. “But we can rest easy knowing that our brave astronauts’ pants will remain clean and shit-free.”
The project was fast tracked after the Atlantis debacle, which engineers dismissed as negligible and Atlantis team members described as “pants-shittingly terrifying.”
Atlantis’ Captain James Barlow was notably perturbed in a radio communication shortly after being informed of damage to his ship.
“It looks like I’ve shit myself. Over,” said Barlow, who was informed of the damage three days after it happened. “Can we get a status check on the- Oh. There’s some more shit. Over.”
Although there are technically no additional safety features in the ten-million dollar suit, its design addresses the distraction that comes with wearing a suit filled with one’s own shit.
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