Posted by HD Cleaner on October 04, 2000 at 22:05
Crap-dude
I had just seen a neighbor crap all over herself a few weeks ago, and it was pretty cool. She's never given me a straight answer about what she does for a living, but it seems like she's either a high-class receptionist or a private investigator for an executive at a nearby office, and she lives in the same condominium complex as me. She's about my age, late-twenties, and a cute blonde in a "girl next door" sort of way.
I've been having trouble sleeping off-&-on through my life since I was 13 or so, but lately I haven't been able to sleep for about 6 months. Who knows, but when I had insomnia, it's like I was never asleep or awake - I just always had a hope that some of more foggy moments within the past 10 minutes were really periods of sleep, until I realized that those periods of slightly unclear consciences really weren't casual dozing-off, but just hopeful thinking.
When my neighbor moved in a couple weeks ago, I told her about my insomnia. She told me it was nothing to worry about, when you put it into comparison with people with major problems. She's too nice to say so, but it like she was saying "stop being a cry-baby!" She'd always tell me to just have a couple beers, rest my eyes, and that I'd fall right alseep. But I've already tried this plenty of times, and it didn't work. She took me out to bars every so often - no sleep still, but at least I had someone to sympathize with. Then one night, it finally happened. As we were walking back from the bars, she said "I gotta go - no - oh no, I can't hold it." (5 minutes later - fjjjgggt slash squirt plllopppp fugge-squiggle fjjjjgggtt oooops oooops!) She was wearing a miniskirt, so I saw all the lose turds run down her pantyhose. I offered to walk her back home, but she was too embarrassed, and she just ran off to her place. I started to walk after her, but she just yelled ! "no - don't look at my legs - please don't look at me!" I couldn't believe how sweet, juicy, and bitter-sweet that huge pantyhose-pooping accident looked, but she wasn't about to stick around and let me look at it. And this was after 6 months of insomnia. After getting home that night, I sat there to watch my usual late night TV, expecting to pull my usual all nighter. However, on this night after witnessing the most bitter-sweet tender accident I've ever seen, I slept like a log - and have so ever since.
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