Posted by Crack on September 14, 2000 at 23:08
Dear Violet,
I'm sorry for not completing your story as requested. You're right when you say I saw my e-mail posted at your site and
got scared (you even said that you could have posted my e-mail). I was worried that you might post the story, too.
And then I saw the piece you wrote about the Amish. I have no idea about the Amish as a people, though I suspect what you say about them is unfairly biased. But, despite your nasty tone, I took most of what you said to be facetious.
But what really bothered me was your attitude toward incontinence expressed in the story. What disturbs me even more is my suspicion that it is a commonly held attitude. You deride the Amish for their supposed incontinence, as if they could control their need to visit the restroom every half hour (or whatever). But the essence of incontinence is that you CAN'T control it. Most "healthy" people cannot internalize, cannot really comprehend, what it is to have impaired bladder function. They think the sufferer is somehow at fault and that their scorn (even if it's hidden) is warranted. And it's that much worse of you're not either old or a woman or both.
For about three months after a lower back operation (soccer injury) I suffered what is called "urge incontinence."
Basically what that meant was by the time I first realized I had to go, it was already too late. So unless I happened to
be standing over a toilet when the urge hit, I had an accident.
After the first time it happened (at home, thank God) my surgeon suggested I wear "incontinence pads" until I had time to retrain my klegels. Do you know what "incontinence pads" are? Diapers. Fuck that, I thought. I'll take my chances.
Well guess how long that determination lasted? About a day and a half. It happened to me while I was getting my hair
cut. In the barber chair. No warning. I jumped up and bolted for the bathroom as fast as I could, but that did me no good - the damage was done. Everyone was really nice about it. The manager offered to let me come back and finish the haircut for free. She even let me keep the gown for my carseat. But by the time I paid and finally got out of there, EVERYONE in the store -- even the people waiting -- were staring at me like I was some kind of freak.
After that I wore the pads. Never had another problem and, to my knowledge, no one could even tell I was wearing them. (Of course it felt like the most obvious thing in the world, but you'd be surprised how little people really pay attention.)
So say what you will about the Amish. That is their choice. But incontinence is something no one chooses. And since it,
like death, is a fate that awaits us all at some point, please think carefully before using it as a rhetorical weapon of ridicule.
And though I suspect you have the grace not to post this e-mail, in the future it would be polite of you to ask me first.
A fan nonetheless --
Crack
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