Posted by petitcheri on March 28, 2008 at 17:56 [66.135.157.197]
I have a bit of a dilemma.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We're even talking about marriage soon. I love him so much and I can't really imagine my life without him. But then theres this whole complicated lg side of me and he's not really into it. He indulges me once and while but even then I know he's not enjoying himself AT ALL. He doesn't like the caregiver role because of all the responsibility it entails. I don't blame him, it is a lot of work. But this little girl part of me is such a big part of who I am and now I have completely stopped asking him if I can be "little" because I know it's a source of stress for him and honestly, I feel ashamed by this longing when he reacts the way he does.
I've tried living without, but I'm not really as happy as I know I could be. Also, retreating into "little space" for me is a source of stress relief...when I'm feeling down or upset returning to a simpler time helps me cope, so since I've tried to cut this desire out of our relationship I've noticed that I'm alot more stressed out and have alot of free floating anxiety.
I love him more than anything, and I know that he loves me. We're just about perfect for eachother in every other way. I just feel like I'm being forced to make a choice between this side of me (the lg side) and my true love. Either way I lose out on something important to me. I just wish it weren't so complicated. Sometimes I wish I were just a normal vanilla girl.
Email: little_darling@live.com