Posted by Arnold Ziffel on December 17, 2010 at 18:34 [68.192.151.63]
Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of December 17, 2010.
As I look over the TVPC agenda on this Friday afternoon, I am happy to see that the agenda is a relatively short one. Hopefully, we’ll be able to move through it quickly. The school band and the school choir are having a dress rehearsal this afternoon for their upcoming Holiday program and many of us want to get down to the auditorium to check it out. If you do get a chance you should check out our school’s Holiday program next Monday night because they usually put on quite a performance that is bound to get you into the holiday spirit.
But before sinking our teeth into our first case, we are delayed by a little administrative matter in the back of the committee room. In the back of the committee room, we have numerous blackboards where girls sentenced to do so, laboriously write out their punishment sentences on those blackboards. Writing on the blackboard is, of course, harder than writing on paper. Accordingly, writing on the blackboard is usually reserved for more serious or for repeated violations. These blackboard writing punishments are usually quite lengthy ones and they require the girl so assigned to report here for detention and write for an hour each day for as many days as it takes them to complete those lengthy punishment assignments. We do seem to have more than usual number of girls so assigned today – so many, in fact, that we don’t seem to have enough chalk for everybody.
Two of the girls – Penny (a sweet, likeable sophomore honor student) and Tori (a pretty junior with short blonde hair), each writing 500 sentences of “I will not soil my panties in school again.” on the blackboard for their 5th panty-soiling offenses 3 days ago – are left standing at the blackboards waiting while our ever helpful Mrs. Johns attempts to round up some chalk for them to write with. Finally, they get their chalk and they can get on with their punishments while we can move on to today’s agenda.
Our first case is a simple one of clogging the toilet. Debbie, a senior beauty with long brown hair (and a prior offense for smoking in the girls’ room), has pleaded “Guilty” to clogging the toilet in the girls’ room down by the gym late this morning. Fans of the TVPC surely know that this offense varies greatly in severity depending upon how the toilet got clogged. This particular one is the least serious type of clogging offense – clogging a toilet with only a bowel movement. This is what we call a “Category #1” clog – a simple case of a girl’s bowel movement being so huge that it clogged the toilet all by itself.
“I didn’t clog it on purpose,” Debbie asserts, “But I guess I did clog it.” “I had to go, so I sat down and that was what came out,” she says with a little smile. She explains that with the holidays and all the holiday eating that she’s been doing, her “regular routine” has been disrupted and she found herself quite constipated. But this afternoon, apparently by running around in gym class, she was “loosened up” a bit. “I headed right for the girls’ room after gym class was over,” she says, again with a smile. “And suffice to say, I’m not constipated anymore.”
Miss Mars, a gorgeous first year gym teacher and great friend of the TVPC, was in the girls’ room down there at the same time as Debbie. She is the one who filed the Violation Report against the senior, but still doesn’t feel that the she should be punished for this. “You can’t really say that it’s her fault,” Miss Mars argues, “She definitely did do it, but how can she really control the size of her bowel movement and whether it will clog the toilet or not.” “I don’t know what else she’s supposed to do other than just sit down on the toilet and let it come out,” Miss Mars says. “I certainly don’t think that you’d want her to be doing that one in her pants,” she adds, “I think that one would have ripped right through her jeans if she did.”
In her defense, Debbie points out that she did exactly what she was supposed to do. That is, when she saw that her bowel movement was so big, so tried to flush it down before she used any toilet paper. That way, the clogging is only the bowel movement itself and not a worse clog (and a more serious clog, punishment wise) involving the bowel movement and toilet paper together. She then waddled, pants down, into another stall to wipe herself. All this is confirmed by Miss Mars who witnessed it all and has nothing but praise for how Debbie handled this whole thing.
Once again, the gorgeous, young gym teacher argues against punishment for the equally gorgeous student. “I’ve done some pretty big bowel movements myself,” Miss Mars tells us, “I’m sorry to say that I’ve clogged more than a few toilets myself.” Her comment draws quite a few snickers from those assembled in the committee room, and I almost have to use my gavel to keep order. Why the first year gym teacher is so adamant about this case is anyone’s guess since it really is a bit much for such a minor case. “Enough, Veronica,” I tell Miss Mars, “You know I always appreciate your enthusiasm and your diligence, but this case really doesn’t warrant all this effort.”
Debbie is obviously guilty of clogging the toilet (Category #1 clog, as was noted), but just as obviously this is only a minor violation. Even with a prior serious offense of smoking on her record, there is no reason for more than a minor punishment here. The pretty young lady is given the choice of serving an hour of detention or writing “I will not clog the toilet in school again.” 100 times. She chooses the 100 times and is dismissed.
I don’t suppose we’re going to hear about the other clogged toilet in there,” chimes in Denise, a junior serving the last day of a week-long detention for smoking in the girls’ room. Just this morning, she handed in the 1,000 sentences that she had to write for that as well. I look at her puzzled. “The toilet right next to Debbie’s toilet also got clogged this morning,” she explains to me, “Only this one got clogged with toilet paper instead of you know what and it overflowed onto the floor.” “But, of course, you’re only going to punish Debbie,” she adds, “You’re not even going to deal with the mess in the other stall.” As with a lot of things it seems, the TVPC is the last to know about this. Checking with our ace restroom monitor Mrs. Johns, I am told “We don’t have anybody to be charged with that.”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for someone to be charged,” counters Sharon, a senior serving detention for messing in her panties yesterday. Once again, I must say that I’m puzzled. “It’s really not to hard to figure out who did it,” the outspoken blonde beauty adds, “It’s just that no one is supposed to know about it.” I’m still puzzled and now I’m growing increasingly frustrated with the double-talk in this matter. “I think the point, Mr. Chairman, is that it was a teacher who clogged and overflowed that toilet,” states Jackie, a senior serving detention for fighting (with a girl who was smoking) in the science wing girls’ room, “It really isn’t fair that teachers don’t get punished for toilet violations, too.” “Yeah, it really isn’t fair that Miss Mars can clog the toilet a lot worse than Debbie ever did, but only Debbie gets punished for it,” Sharon tells us, “Debbie only clogged it with her poop, but Miss Mars clogged it with toilet paper and she overflowed the toilet, to boot.” “Really, Miss Mars, isn’t it enough that you have those nice faculty bathrooms to use,” she says to the now embarrassed gym teacher, “But you have to come into one of our bathrooms and clog the toilet.”
“That’s enough!” I shout banging my gavel to restore order, realizing that I should never have let this discussion proceed in the first place. “It wasn’t just toilet paper,” the gorgeous Miss Mars states meekly in her defense, “It was my bowel movement along with the toilet paper, too.” But Veronica’s comments in her defense are completely unnecessary and totally irrelevant to the TVPC. “The TVPC simply has no authority to punish teachers for toilet violations,” I point out to those assembled, many of whom are in detention courtesy of Miss Mars, “So this is simply not a matter for the TVPC.” My comments, of course, draw a series of groans and cries of “it’s not fair” from the students.” “The matter is CLOSED!” I point out, raising my voice in anger to accentuate the point. “NEXT CASE!” I declare.
For our next case, we have a girl well-known to TVPC readers. Once again, we have a visit from Topanga, a shapely well-endowed junior. When we last saw her, she had to write 500 times, serve a week in detention sitting on the toilet, and write a 1,000 word apology letter to Mr. Feeney (her History teacher) for leaving class without permission to use the girls’ room. Topanga already had 3 previous panty-soiling offenses (2 in Mr. Feeney’s class alone) and left class for the girls’ room in order to avoid having another one. Mr. Feeney is a very strict teacher who never allows girls’ room passes on class time.
Today, Topanga is accused of exacting a bit of revenge against Mr. Feeney – specifically by writing “Mr. Feeney is a Total NOB” on a stall wall in the Main Corridor girls’ room. But this time she vehemently denies her guilt. “I didn’t do it, I’ve never written on a bathroom wall in my whole life,” Topanga asserts, “I don’t know what else I can say about this – I just didn’t do it.” Miss Spellman, a very pretty 1st year Geometry teacher has brought this charge against Topanga. “I was bathroom monitor in there during 6th period this afternoon,” Miss Spellman reports, “And the first thing I noticed was how long Topanga was in the stall.” “Then when she finally came out of the stall, she had this big smile on her face,” our bathroom monitor continues, “And she gave this little thumbs-up gesture toward the stall wall.” “I thought that was suspicious,” the beautiful teacher explains, “So I went in there to check it out and I saw that nasty thing about Mr. Feeney written there.”
“But I didn’t write it,” Topanga insists, “I saw it there, but I didn’t write it there.” “With all due respect to Miss Spellman, she knows that she didn’t see me write anything in there,” she adds. “Obviously, she didn’t actually see you writing it,” I tell the very agitated junior, “It’s not like she has some magical powers that lets her see through stall walls and stall doors.” “But you and your disputes with Mr. Feeney are well-known,” I point out, “I find it hard to believe that you just happened to use that particular stall where somebody ELSE had written that and you just happened to come out of there smiling.”
“I’m not saying that I wasn’t happy to see it there and I did give it a thumbs-up gesture and maybe that was stupid,” Topanga argues, “But I just didn’t write it.” She further explains that she took such a long time in the stall not because she was writing on the wall but because she was doing a rather big and messy bowel movement in there. “I had just gotten out of Mr. Feeney’s class and I really had to go bad,” the beautiful and articulate junior tells us, “Yet again, he makes me hold it in all period and my stomach was all cramped by the time I finally did get to the toilet.” Actually, I’m not sure if that last statement helps or hurts her cause. It does explain why she was in the stall so long, but it does seem to give her increased incentive to write something nasty about Mr. Feeney.
This will definitely be a tough case to decide but suddenly we have a new development that renders the point moot. “I did it, sir,” chimes in a voice from the back of the room. I look to the back of the room and note that Tori, who’s back there writing sentences on the blackboard for soiling her panties 3 days ago, has her hand raised and is apparently confessing to this offense. “I’m the one who wrote that on the stall wall,” Tori admits, “Topanga had nothing to do with it.”
She is, of course, immediately called up to the podium to explain herself. “Topanga is not the only one that Mr. Feeney never gives a bathroom pass to,” Tori tells us, “I’ve had two accidents in his class, too.” She explains that her accident of 3 days ago was caused by Mr. Feeney not allowing her a girls’ room pass, either. “I know that I shouldn’t be blaming Mr. Feeney for accidents and I know I’ve been pretty careless in the past about holding it in too long and not going to the girls’ room until I get really desperate”, she acknowledges. “But I’m really trying to do better and not have accidents all the time,” she goes on, “I really did want to go and do it in the girls’ room and Mr. Feeney wouldn’t let me.” “And now I’ve got to write 500 lines on the blackboard because of it,” Tori rambles on, a tinge of anger in her voice, “And he almost made me do another mess in my panties today.” She goes on to point out that she is in Mr. Feeney’s class the period before Topanga’s class and she likewise had to hurry to the girls’ room after class today after being forced to hold it in through most of the class. “I just got so mad at Mr. Feeney that I just took out a marker and wrote that,” she explains, again with a tinge of anger, “Topanga was probably just using the same stall as me the next period.” “I’m sorry,” she adds.
Our first order of business is, of course, finding Topanga “Not Guilty” of the charge. That was the easy part. Determining the appropriate punishment for Tori is a lot more difficult. Tori does have a rather lengthy toilet record and we certainly cannot tolerate this kind of disrespect toward a teacher, but I’m impressed with her honesty in coming forward to admit her guilt – especially when another girl might have been wrongfully punished for something she did.
“Your honesty in coming forward when you did has saved you from getting placed on toilet suspension,” I tell her sternly, “But what you did still constitutes a serious toilet violation.” “I know you’ve been working hard on those 500 sentences you’ve got to write on the blackboard for messing in your panties,” I tell her, “But I’m afraid when you’re done with that, you’re going to have to write another 500 times.” This time the sentence will be “I will not write on the girls’ room wall in school again.” Writing sentences on the blackboard is hard work and the thought of 500 more (on top what she already still owes us) brings tears to her eyes. “You’ll also spend 2 weeks of your 5th period study hall cleaning graffiti off the bathroom walls,” I tell her.
She’s upset but I remind her that it could have been worse – especially in light of what she wrote. “Do this again and you WILL go on toilet suspension,” I tell her, raising my voice a little to make my point, “And it won’t only be a week or two, either.” “Yes, sir,” she acknowledges, “I’m sorry for what I did, sir.” Topanga is then dismissed from the meeting while Tori is sent back to the blackboard to continuing writing her 500 times for messing in her panties.
As I look over the paperwork on our next case, I must say that I’m a bit puzzled. The case concerns Lilly, a shapely junior with long blonde hair and glasses. But she is not charged with a toilet violation today. Instead, she is here to appeal a panty-soiling violation from about a month ago. Appeals don’t happen very often, but a girl does have the right to come back before the TVPC and ask us to review her case. Lilly is asking us to now find her “Not Guilty” on a panty-soiling violation from a month ago. This is a very strange request. “You’ve already written your 200 lines and served your 2 detentions – It’s not like I can un-punish you now, a month later,” I point out, “It seems kind of silly to be dealing with this now.” “Besides you pleaded Guilty to it at the time,” I add, “How do you expect me to reverse that now?”
“I have some new information on the case,” she tells us, “When it happened, I thought that my accident was my own fault for waiting too long, but with this new information, I realize that wasn’t the case.” “I know it’s too late to take away the punishment that I’ve already done,” she continues, “But that is the only accident violation that I’ve ever had in high school.” “I want to clear it off my toilet record so I’ll have no accidents at all,” she adds. Although it was her first accident offense of the year, the beautiful shapely junior did have previous offenses for urinating on a toilet seat, clogging the toilet via a category #2 clog (bowel movement and toilet paper together), and leaving class without permission to use the girls’ room. Consequently, she did get a punishment for that accident rather than just a warning.
Digging back through the case files, I note that Lilly’s soiling offense occurred in the school library while she was serving an after school detention in there for talking back to Mrs. Corbin, the school librarian. Mrs. Corbin (who, of course, signed the original Violation Report against Lilly) is here as is her very, very close friend Mrs. Nash – a Chemistry teacher. Also here are Kimmy and Kelly, two very bright, very beautiful, and very technically proficient students who apparently have some video evidence to present in this case. With my permission, Kimmy puts a CD into our audio visuals system. The CD is a recording taken in the school library, and Lilly explains that it was taken the same afternoon that she had her detention in the library with Mrs. Corbin.
As members of the TVPC and other assembled in the committee room watch the recording, we see Mrs. Corbin pouring a white, powdery substance into a bottle of water. Shortly thereafter, we see Lilly reporting for her detention and she gets handed that bottle of water from Mrs. Corbin. “She told me that I looked dehydrated and that I should drink the water,” Lilly explains, as we watch the peculiar scene, “So I did what she said and drank it.” Kimmy skips the recording ahead toward the end of the hour-long detention session as we see Lilly begging Mrs. Corbin for permission to go to the girls’ room. “All through detention, I’m feeling something uneasy in my stomach,” Lilly reports, “And pretty soon, I gotta go really, really bad.” “I never had to go so bad in my entire life,” Lilly tells us, “But Mrs. Corbin is just smiling and telling me that I have to wait until detention is over.” “At first I just stood up and was going to make a run for the girls’ room anyway,” she explains as we watch that on the recording. “But I already have a violation for leaving class without permission,” she explains, “I knew that another one would probably get me put on toilet suspension for a while.” “You can all see what happens next,” Lilly adds as we watch her stand there in the library filling her pants with a very big and very messy bowel movement. The TVPC Violation Report for that day does note it as a particularly large accident. But actually seeing it happen on the recording – and seeing her jeans “tent out” from the load while the more liquid stuff leaks through the seat of her jeans – really brings home the point of just how big and how messy it was. “Obviously what Mrs. Corbin put in Lilly’s water was a quick acting laxative,” Kimmy explains, as we continue watching the video and see our librarian smiling as she writes up a Violation Report to a tearful Lilly. “The laxative was supplied to Mrs. Corbin by Mrs. Nash,” Kimmy further explains, “And if they want to deny any of it, I have a tape of their phone conversation on the subject as well.”
The TVPC sits in stunned silence for several minutes as I and everyone else try to comprehend what we’ve just witnessed. It is just unfathomable to me that two professional educators could ever do something like that to a poor, unsuspecting student. It’s not like we don’t have enough accidents here to deal with already without teachers going out and creating more of them. Regrettably, the TVPC only has the power to punish our female students and these two teachers are mighty lucky not to have to face the TVPC after what they’ve done here.
Our first order of business is, of course, dealing with Lilly’s appeal. “Obviously, your appeal will be granted and you are now officially found Not Guilty of that panty soiling,” I tell her and note for the record, “Your toilet record is now cleared of it and you can once again brag about not having any accident offenses in high school.” “I am very sorry for what Mrs. Corbin and Mrs. Nash did to you,” I explain, “And I apologize for giving you a punishment that you didn’t deserve.” “It’s not your fault, Mr. Chairman – I pleaded guilty to it myself,” she tells me, “I didn’t know at the time that it wasn’t my fault – there’s no way that you could have know that, either.”
“Now, as to you two,” I address our two disgraced educators, “Can I assume that you’ll be submitting your resignations to the principal tomorrow morning.” What follows is a very awkward silence. “You can submit your resignations or we can show this recording to the school board,” I tell them, raising my voice, “Do you really want us to do that?” Once again, there is an awkward silence in the room as the two women look at each other waiting for the other to speak.” “Um, well um, sir, perhaps instead of that you could punish us instead and let us keep our jobs,” Mrs. Nash offers, “This really was a toilet-related offense so we’re thinking that it would only fair that we have to take a punishment from the TVPC.” “Oh! I’d like that!!” I tell them with a smile, “But unfortunately the TVPC has no authority to punish teachers – even for an offense as grievous as this one.” “But what if we agree to it,” Mrs. Corbin counters, “What if we agree that instead of being fired, we’ll agree to submit to any punishment that you decide.” “We understand that we’ll probably have to go on toilet suspension for this,” Mrs. Corbin continues, as Mrs. Nash nods her head in agreement, “We’ll just have to go in our pants everyday like the any of the girls on toilet suspension have to do.” Intrigued at the suggestion, I turn to Lilly and see that the pretty junior is also nodding her head in agreement. “After what they did to me, I’d love to be able to actually see them getting punished,” Lilly explains, “Watching them suffer with their punishment every day would definitely be a lot better than them just getting fired.” Since Lilly was the victim here, I decide to take her advice.
Pausing for a moment, I have drawn up a contract for Mrs. Corbin and Mrs. Nash to sign agreeing to be bound by whatever punishment the TVPC does impose. I certainly don’t want any trouble with either the school board or the teachers’ union telling us that we have no authority to punish these teachers. Next, I have drawn up on each of them an official TVPC Violation Report charging them with “Spiking a Drink with a Laxative and Causing a Student to have an Accident.” I then ask them for their plea. “Guilty,” they respond in unison.
“This is one of the worst offenses that I’ve ever seen,” I tell the two of them, “And the fact that you are both professional educators who are supposed to set a good example, makes this all the more despicable.” Obviously, they expect to be placed on toilet suspension for this, but I have to wonder if that’s what they really wanted in the first place. I’ve never had anyone suggest that I place them on toilet suspension before and I detected a wry smile on both of their faces as Mrs. Corbin suggested it. I wonder if that would simply be the excuse that they’re looking for to mess their panties all the time. No way am I going to give them what they want.
“Do you ladies have any plans for the upcoming Christmas Vacation?” I ask them. “Nothing much,” they answer in unison. “Well then, I have something for you to do,” I explain. I then assign them to each write 5,000 times, “I will not spike anyone’s drink with laxative and cause them to have an accident again.” Their mouths hang open in shock as do the mouths of many in the committee room. “That’s right, you heard me – FIVE THOUSAND TIMES,” I repeat, “You’ll do it over the Christmas Break and you’ll hand it in first thing when we get back.” Stammering a bit at the horror of such a gargantuan writing assignment, they both argue that a toilet suspension would be more appropriate. But I’m not falling for their ploy and I just shake my head “no.” I know that a toilet suspension wouldn’t be much of a punishment for them so they’ll spend their Christmas Vacation endlessly writing sentences instead.
As a matter of fact, I also have a sort of reverse toilet suspension in store for them as well. “For 2 months, you two are even going to be required to have a bowel movement in the school toilets each school day,” I explain, “You’ll have to do it in the student girls’ rooms only and you’ll have to show it to the bathroom monitor to prove you’ve done it.” “And any school day that you don’t have a bowel movement in the toilet in school, you’ll stay for detention sitting on the toilet for an hour or until you do.” I further explain, “And then if you still don’t do a bowel movement, you’ll get an hour of bathroom cleaning detention.” Accordingly, even if these two want to mess in their panties on their own time after school, they might not be able to do it after wasting their bowel movements in the girls’ room in school every day. “And don’t even think of messing in your panties in school,” I warn them, “Because that’ll be 1,000 lines each time and you’ll have to clean it all up in school – in a STUDENT girls’ room.
Mrs. Corbin and Mrs. Nash are left to look at each other in horror – stunned at the punishment that they’ve gotten themselves into. “Five THOUSAND times?” Mrs. Corbin asks. “Yes, indeed,” I answer with a small smile. In the meantime I cannot help but notice that Lilly as well as Kimmy and Kelly are beaming the broadest smiles that I’ve ever seen.
The last matter before the TVPC this afternoon is not so much an actual toilet violations case, but more of a TVPC inquiry. Last weekend marked the beginning of the winter sports season and Tuesday night was the first road game for our boys’ basketball team. Unfortunately we lost a heartbreaker in double overtime to defending state champion Hickory. Since that road trip, there have been persistent and growing rumors of a panty-soiling accident amongst the cheerleaders on the bus coming home from Hickory after the game. The cheerleaders are, of course, representatives of the school at the game. Not only does that make their toileting behavior subject to TVPC jurisdiction, but an accident “while representing the school” is considered more serious than a normal accident in school. If one of the girls on the cheerleading squad did have an accident, it should have been reported to us by Miss Musso, the cheerleading coach. No such Violation Report was ever filed by Miss Musso, but still these rumors of a messy panties accident on the bus persist.
We’ve brought several members of the cheerleading squad before the TVPC to address these rumors. I remind them that they are not actually charged with a toilet violation, but they are still expected to tell the truth and that they can be charged with a toilet violation if they don’t.
“None of the cheerleaders had any accidents,” reports Ashley, the cheerleading captain, “At least none that I know of.” “I’m pretty sure that none of us went BM in our pants,” reports LouAnne, another cheerleader, kind of annoyed to be called here. She does confirm part of the rumor, though – that the bathroom conditions over at Hickory HS were pretty bad. “Half of the stalls didn’t have doors on them and the half that did have doors only had these half doors,” she explains, “It was totally disgusting, too, and they only had these 2 big rolls of toilet paper chained to the wall outside the stalls.” “I’m really glad that I didn’t have to go BM there,” she adds. “I think a lot of other girls wouldn’t have used that girls’ room no matter how desperate they got,” Ashley, the captain, chimes in, “I think that you should be proud of us that no cheerleader had an accident there.” But when I ask her if any of the girls actually “went BM” in that bathroom, she says that she doesn’t think so. “I know that a bunch of us had to pee and that was bad enough,” she says, “But as to going BM, I think we all either didn’t have to go or held it in until we got back.” “But none of us went BM in our pants,” LouAnne reminds me, bringing us back to the original point of this inquiry. Of course, I have to take their word for it, but it still puzzles me as to how rumors like this get started.
As I begin to investigate further – this time asking about the rumor itself – Miss Musso finally speaks up. Miss Musso, a former cheerleader herself, is now well into her 30’s but she has kept herself in great shape. She has undoubtedly been the subject of as many masturbation fantasies from the boys in our school, as any actual member of the cheerleading squad. She is already dressed for cheerleading practice in her red spandex shorts with matching sports bra visible through her tight light-colored T-Shirt. Looking at her, I can only think “WOW”. “None of my cheerleaders messed in her panties on the bus that night,” Miss Musso asserts, “I DID!” The TVPC pauses for moment, like we weren’t really sure what we just heard. “I’m the one who had to go BM that night at the game and I’m the one who didn’t want to use that crummy bathroom at Hickory,” the embarrassed cheerleading coach explains, “And I’m the one who messed in her panties on the bus ride home.”
Obviously, I’m pleased that this matter of the panty-soiling rumor has been cleared up, but I’m more than a little angry that it took Miss Musso this long to say something. “Obviously, we all know very well that I can’t punish teachers for toilet violations,” I tell her, “But the least you could have done was own up to your accident before now.” “You were obviously aware that the rumor about your cheerleading squad was all over school,” I continue, raising my voice in anger, “But you didn’t care and you let that false rumor persist because you didn’t want anyone to find out you had the accident that everyone was talking about.” “Yeah Really, Miss Musso,” states Kylie, another one of the cheerleaders, “Thanks for letting us have to come here and answer questions about this and for making the whole school think one of us did it.” “You’re always telling us to take responsibility for what we do – especially with our bodily functions” she says, “But you don’t use the toilet yourself and then you were going to let us get blamed for it.”
“I had to write 500 times for an accident I had when I was a freshman,” Ashley, the cheerleading captain, chimes back in, “You told me that not wanting to use the port-o-potty bathrooms there was no excuse.” “But here you are………..” – I abruptly cut off the captain. Once again, this is not a matter for the TVPC. “We have confirmed that none of the girls on cheerleading squad had an accident either at the game or on the bus ride home,” I announce for the record, “So that matter is hereby concluded.” Not surprisingly, some of the cheerleaders don’t consider the matter concluded.
“I had to write 500 times and sit on the toilet during study hall for a week for an accident THIS YEAR when I didn’t want to use a port-o-potty,” reports Becky, another cheerleader, “And as bad as that bathroom was Tuesday night, it was still better than a port-o-potty.” For her own good, I try to stop her ranting before she goes overboard. “And Tracey had to write 1,000 times when all she did was go in her panties a little while waiting in line for the bathroom at halftime of a game,” she rambles on angrily, “But Miss Musso can go in her pants all she wants because she’s the coach and a teacher.”
“That’s enough!,” I yell at Becky in anger, “When I say that a matter is concluded, I DON”T expect you to continue speaking about it.” “It looks like your mouth has gotten you in trouble once again,” I tell her. For those that don’t remember, Becky was punished at our 10/4/10 TVPC meeting for messing in her panties at the previous weekend’s football game. She also ran her mouth a bit at that meeting and got assigned an extra 500 times to write for that. I later reduced that to 100 times, though. (And by the way, Tracey did more than just mess in her panties a little – a case featured in our 10/25/10 TVPC session – to earn her 1,000 times.)
But just as I’m about to hand Becky 500 times for her outburst just now (and this time I have every intention to make her finish all 500 times), Miss Musso speaks up. “Please just let her go,” Miss Musso states, obviously embarrassed by her accident and her failure until now to admit to it, “Please just let her say what she wants – She’s got a right to be angry at all this.” But instead of Becky (who surely realizes that she’d said too much already), we instead hear from the cheerleading captain again. “With all due respect, Miss Musso, you are always telling us that as cheerleaders, we have to expect poor bathroom conditions at games sometimes,” she says, a voice of reason in direct contrast to Becky’s rantings, “And you always tell us that we have to use them whether we want to or not.” “You always tell us that we are representatives of the school and that there is no excuse for going in our pants,” she continues, “With all due respect, Miss Musso – What is YOUR excuse?” It’s an eloquent little speech to be sure, but again there isn’t much that I can do. Hypocrisy aside, Miss Musso’s toilet habits are simply not subject to TVPC jurisdiction.
Even with Miss Musso’s permission, there is still no excuse for Becky’s outburst earlier. But given the circumstances, I’ll only make her write 100 times, “In the future, I must learn to control my mouth at meetings of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee.”
But just as I’m about to adjourn this TVPC session, Miss Musso suddenly speaks up. Apparently, Ashley’s words have sunk in. “There’s no reason why I shouldn’t have to follow the same rules that my cheerleaders follow,” Miss Musso states stoically, “It’s only fair that I get the same punishment that they’d get when I break the rules.” “Are you sure,” I ask her. “Yours would, of course, be the more serious violation of an accident while representing the school.” “No, I’m NOT sure,” she tells me, apprehension evident, “But it’s definitely the right thing to do.” I hand her the same contract as in our previous case and I ask her to sign it – giving the TVPC person to impose punishment upon here.” “You’re not going to make me write 5,000 times, are you?” she asks before she signs. “I don’t discuss punishments prior to a case,” I tell her, “But obviously yours is not as serious an offense as theirs.”
With her signature and now here plea of “Guilty” to the offense of “Panty-Soiling While Representing the School,” I proceed to the sentencing of our beautiful 30-something cheerleading coach. I sentence her to write 500 times, “I will not soil my panties in school or while coaching cheerleading again.” She’ll also serve 3 days in detention. “You’ll just have to come and sit amongst the students in detention for 3 afternoons,” I tell her. I can tell that she’s kind of relieved to only be getting 500 times, but I have more for her.
“At school, you have the luxury of the faculty ladies’ rooms,” I point out, “I don’t suppose you have that when you visit other schools as the cheerleading coach.” “I’m assuming that you have to use the regular student bathrooms just like the girls do,” I explain and ask, “Is that a problem for you?” “I wouldn’t call it a problem,” she says, “I don’t really like it when it’s a bathroom like at Hickory Tuesday Night or worse yet, a port-o-potty like we get at football games sometimes.” “But I certainly wouldn’t call it a problem,” she repeats. I find her answer entirely unconvincing. Furthermore, Ashley explains (“with all due respect” she is careful to say) that Miss Musso almost had an accident at the Schooner Bay football game back in October. That was the same game that Becky refused to use the port-o-potty and messed in her panties. “I don’t think Miss Musso used the port-o-potties, either,” Ashley tells us, “When we got back here after the game, she sprinted off the bus and made a mad dash for the girls’ room.” “Thankful, she made it in time,” the cheerleading captain points out.
Miss Musso acknowledges that this is true. “This concerns me greatly, Miss Musso,” I tell our now mortally embarrassed cheerleading coach, “We cannot have you being so choosy about which bathrooms you’ll use when you’re coaching – we cannot risk you having another accident because of that.” “For the next 3 weeks in school, you will only use the student girls’ rooms,” I explain to her, “The faculty bathrooms will be totally off limits to you.” The look of embarrassment on her face now turns to a look of dread. The writing punishment and the embarrassment of sitting in detention with high school girls was bad enough. But the idea of sitting on the same toilets and going to the bathroom in adjoining stalls side by side with them is much, much worse. She asks me to reconsider that but I remain firm. She clearly is in need of this special kind of TVPC toilet training.
Just as I’m about to try one more time to end this suddenly very lengthy TVPC session, I see Miss Mars moving forward. “I think it’s only fair that I get punished, too,” the lovely Veronica explains, “I plead Guilty to clogging the toilet with my bowel movement and my toilet paper.” All I can do is roll my eyes in frustration at this disturbing trend. The TVPC already has its hands full in punishing students. We certainly don’t have the time to now start punishing teachers. Let’s hope that this is only an aberration and that we don’t have to deal with punishing teachers as a regular thing.
“Are you sure that you want to go through with this, Veronica,” I ask Miss Mars, “If you also overflowed the toilet, I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you toilet cleaning detention as well.” That gives her pause to think for a moment (she clearly wasn’t expecting to be punished that way), but she finally agrees. “Grace, I mean Miss Musso, is right,” she says, “Its only fair that we get punishment for the same things that the girls get punished for.”
Accepting her plea to “Clogging the Toilet” (a Category #2 clog – fecal matter and toilet paper together), I now ask for her plea to “Overflowing the Toilet”. “I guess I’m guilty on that, too,” she says. “What were you doing in a student girls’ room anyway?” I ask her. Veronica explains that she was a bit constipated as well and suddenly felt an urgent need to go while setting up equipment in the gym. She says that she didn’t want to use the single toilet bathroom off the gym office for fear of the smell in the office. “You really just want to go #1 in there,” she tells us. She says that she was heading for the faculty ladies’ room upstairs on the main floor, but she suddenly had to go worse than she thought. “The student girls’ room was right there,” she tells us, “There weren’t even any girls in there at the time so I figured why not just use this one.” “I did a really big log at first and that’s what really clogged the toilet, I think,” she continues, “But then I also did a lot of messy stuff that took me a lot of toilet paper to wipe with.” “The toilet paper in the student girls’ rooms isn’t as good as in the faculty ladies’ room,” she adds. Veronica goes on to admit that she really wasn’t paying much attention to the amount of paper that she had put into the toilet. “I flushed it at first and it didn’t go down at all,” she explains, “Then I flushed it again and that’s when it overflowed.”
I know that bowel movements can be messy and take a lot of wiping sometimes, but this still seems like a lot of toilet paper for one girl to use. “You wouldn’t have been in there cleaning up a mess in your panties?” I ask her, “You wouldn’t have been using all that paper to wipe up a mess smeared in your panties and smeared all over your behind?” “No, sir,” she answers adamantly, quite surprised at my question. “If you did have an accident in your panties, I’d expect you to tell me now!” I warn her, “I know you’re only here voluntarily, but if you did have messy panties and are lying about it now, I WILL have you back here to get punished not only for the accident itself but for lying as well.” “No sir,” she answers even more adamantly, “I know it was a lot of toilet paper, but I really did need all of it just to wipe myself the regular way.” “I’m really clean about that kind of stuff,” she adds, “I usually do use a lot of toilet paper – more than most people, I guess.”
I’m tempted to add “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” to the charges against her, but that would really be piling it on. For clogging the toilet, she’ll have to write “I will not clog the toilet in school again.” 250 times and serve 3 days in detention. For overflowing the toilet, she’ll also have to write 250 times “I will not flush and overflow a clogged toilet in school again.” This one, however, gets her 3 days of detention cleaning bathrooms. Normally, she’d have to serve the toilet cleaning detention first (TVPC rules dictate that the more severe detention gets served first), but I make an exception for Miss Mars. “You can serve the regular detention first,” I tell her, “That way you can sit with Miss Musso in detention.” “But don’t let me catch the two of you talking in detention, though” I warn them.
It’s too bad that detention ended a little while ago and Denise, Sharon, & Jackie did not get to see me punish Miss Mars. It’s too bad that I won’t get to see the expression on their faces when they find out what happened.
So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee – a very strange and an unusually long TPVC session. Meeting adjourned at 4:28 PM.