Posted by DR on August 02, 2005 at 01:24 [67.83.76.91]
In Reply to: The odd relationship between BDSM and diapers. posted by BrianInSF on August 01, 2005 at 23:45
Hi Brian,
I've been involved in the BDSM scene for almost 8 years. I offer my "resume" in this way because invariably, after posting my response, someone writes back, "What makes you such an authority?"
Why aren't diaper desires appreciated by the BDSM subculture? The most important reason is the lack of *quality* information and education.
BDSM'ers scarcely understand diaper folk. Frankly, I think *diaper folk* scarcely understand themselves. We're still using terms like "infantilism" -- coined by clinicians -- to define who we are. And yet, many diaper folk do not even realize that diaper desires span the entire kink spectrum, from regression (ABies, Sissy Babies, Babyfurs) to sensation (sexual DL's) to fetishism (some DL's, Diaperfurs) to sadomasochistic (Diaper punishment, babyslaves, forced sissification, etc.).
Frankly, *we* are not correctly informed, so how can we expect BDSM'ers to be so. They get their knowledge from us. Not surprisingly, little has been written about diaper desires in BDSM circles, and what little there has been, has revolved around "infantilism" and regression play -- most notably, adult baby play. DL's, Babyfurs, Diaperfurs, Diapered exhibitionists, Diapered BDSM'ers are generally unknown to BDSM'ers.
I perceive this in large part because I've been educating BDSM'ers about diaper play since 1997. Educating them has been a challenge, however I've discovered that when you speak to BDSM'ers *in terms of BDSM* -- they get it!
For example, several years back, I assisted a presentation at a Long Island BDSM group. The audience was having a difficult time comprehending that diaper desires is an adults-only activity. In their minds, diapers equated with real children. So, I told them that their misunderstanding was just like they way vanillas misunderstand BDSM to be abuse. All of a sudden, every head in the room was nodding up and down in comprehension.
Several months later, my slave and I presented a lecture on diaper punishment at a NYC BDSM group. Some were confused that I was discussing adult babies, but I explained that diaper punishment is about humiliation, dominance, and control. That diaper punishment is only effective when the bottom perceives himself/herself as too old for diapers -- and generally, the bottom retains the mindset of his/her chronological age. As such, diapers become a taboo. Conversely, adult baby play is akin to *role-play* (a term BDSM'ers are familiar with) and is about adopting the mindset of an infant. Thus, with adult baby play, diapers an incidental part of the play, but are not at all taboo, nor humiliating, nor a measure of discipline. Again, every head was nodding up and down.
I've presented about ten different lectures on diaper play to BDSM'ers over the years, and its been an incredible learning process. And while *correct definitions* are the most important thing to get across in those lectures, I've learned that the second most important thing is *making it sexy.* After BDSM'ers know what a thing is -- and isn't -- they want to know if its sexy. Is it erotic? What makes it tantalizing? What makes this activity sensual? What feels fetish about it? What's taboo about it? What about it makes you look at a person and say, "I want to fuck the shit out of him/her!"
Otherwise, after explaining what the varied diaper desires are -- if you don't *quickly* show BDSM'ers why diapers are hot, they tune out. But to do so, you have to tap into *their* fantasies, and find the many connections to diaper desires.
I'll qualify -- *some* BDSM'ers are put off by the thought of urine and feces. This is a challenge since these immediately come to mind with diaper play. Other BDSM'ers don't find mothering or changing diapers at all sexy. For them, that's work. And its the image of an overweight woman, with her rolling pin, wearing her hair up, in a polka-dotted 1950's dress -- not an image of sexiness for some.
However, for some BDSM'ers piss-play and scat play are hot buttons. Also, BDSM'ers can be educated that wearing diapers doesn't necessarily mean using them. And some BDSM'ers find that image of the 1950's mom to be extremely exciting. My point -- diapers are taboo for some BDSM'ers but are inherently sexy for others.
But apart from these alternatives, BDSM'ers can be taught to imagine a guy in leather chaps and a diaper. Or in a slave harness with a diaper. Straitjacket and diaper. Latex bodysuit and plastic pants. Lingerie and a diaper. Schoolgirl outfit and a diaper. The list is endless, and amazingly erotic.
The key point here is *teaching* BDSM'ers that they can enjoy diaper desires in these ways -- but not just in the pre-conceived, 1950's housedress way. They simply don't think of that on their own. Diapers don't *seem* to go with leather, rubber, pain or SM, but if you *show* them the connection, they not only get it, but they often find it exciting!
But to expand their horizons, we diaper folk have to first define ourselves, to understand them, to understand what's sexy about diaper desires, and then to bridge that gap between our desires and theirs.