Posted by steve on September 01, 2000 at 05:34
In Reply to: Help me understand posted by Sara on August 31, 2000 at 16:35
Dear Sara,
Thank you. Your questions really hits home and causes me to ask, if something would happen to me, would my wife have similar questions? I too with extreme difficulty told my wife of my fetish. She too does not understand and has tried very hard. I guess the home work that you have given me is to make sure she is at peace with it.
I want her to know that I understand how difficult it is for her to understand. I do not expect her to act outside her comfort envelop. I love her very much and in no way do I wish her to be hurt or make her uncomfortable by my very strange behavior. I want her to know that she has done the best that she can.
I would be willing to bet that your husband felt the same way. He likely knew how difficult it was for you, just knowing the guilt and turmoil that he might have felt as evidenced by his embarrassment. Knowing how difficult it must have been for him to tell you, you can be honored that he shared it with you. He shared the deepest of secrets and he must have trusted you a lot. Also for me, there was simply a strong need to talk. My wife and I talk about everything and to leave this out was not a reality. It always feels great to talk with my wife, especially something so personal. I would guess that your husband cherished the time that you did spend talking, reading, internet messages etc.
The desires are very very very strong and the feeling of needing to move my bowels triggers a significant high(for lack of something else to call it). I’ve tried to stop many times and have found it impossible. Under the influence of the high, I find it difficult to see why my wife wouldn’t just love to hold hands with me in a little corner while I do my job. This seems absurd when I’m not on the BM high so I can understand my wives feelings it might also explain your husbands later apologizes. Yet when I’m into it, being together and her just knowing what I’m doing seems to be an ultimate form of intimacy. Perhaps the sharing that you did do created a deeper sense of intimacy for your husband.
My wife and I have talked about how I might have gotten wired the way I am. No real conclusions. My mother isn’t much for holding babies or talking to them, perhaps getting my pants changed was a significant event for me? It will forever be a mystery. I have been doing it as long as I can remember and that is a lot of years. I am not aware of psychological studies in this area. I’ve found some interesting material when searching on the word, infantilism.
Again, thank you so much for sharing your question and please receive my condolences for the lose of your husband. Your lose is the most painful. Thank you again for writing.
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