Posted by BrianInSF on July 28, 2005 at 22:09 [69.110.20.60]
Periodicaly on the board I see lots of posts that revolve around if and how to come out to your girlfriend or boyfriend. It's occured to me reading these though, that we seem to constantly taking the hard and less effective way of going about these things.
What am I saying? Well I'll get into more detail, but in general which do you think would be a better way of getting a person to play chess with you,
"Hi, I like chess, I know it's weird and and most people don't like it, but I do, so even though it's complicated would you PLEASE PLEASE play chess with me?"
or
"Hey, I don't know if you've ever played this great game chess? It's a lot of fun, it might take a little while to learn, but trust me, you'll realy realy like it."
ladies and gents, marketing in everyday life.
The thing that always bugged me about "coming out" is that it's an admission which implies that you did something wrong or have something wrong with you. You admit to "having an affair" or "being an alchoholic" and then you essentialy beg for the persons acceptance.
What's so wrong about being a diaperist that requires admission? You don't admit to liking chinese food, you don't sit him down and say "Honey, there's somthing I have to tell you. Uhm, I like Mu Shu pork. If you want to leave me I understand." Fuck no. You say, "Geeze, you know what sounds realy good right now? Egg Rolls! Doesn't that sound delicious?"
telling a person "I like diapers" automaticaly makes them feel like they've been handed a horrible burden by their partner to either grudgingly accept or deny.
imagine your partner comes up to you and says, "Listen I wanna have a kid. So are we gonna have one or not?"
Wow. How's that for romantic. Your immdiate response = "Hell no!"
By using the phrase "*I* Want" they've made it appear that whatever comes next is gonna cost *you*; they've made it sound instantly like it's gonna be a miserable trying experience if you agree, they've dropped a heavy issue on you then put you on the spot by demanding an immediate answer, and if you say no your forever an asshole for not accepting their dreams.
Even if you say yes, your going to enter into the experience with negative attitude about the whole thing, which otherwise you might have enjoyed very much.
"I like diapers" is what you say, but what they hear is, "I like diapers, but would you please love me anyway?"
Not only does it imply that the diapers aren't going to be any fun, but it drops the issue in their lap; they either accept it, or it sits uncomfortably in the background of the relationship.
Lemme tell ya folks, the worst way to get people to do something is make them think it's a miserable chore; a cost of the relationship, a love tax. Akin to doing the dishes and mowing the lawn.
Conversely though, the best way to get someone to do something, is to get them thinking that THEY are realy going to enjoy it and it's going to be a lot of fun for THEM. Not only are they more likely to say yes, they are also more likely to actualy enjoy it themselves.
Remember, they are the one who will either accept or not accept this activity. So be sure to operate by constantly thinking of things from their point of view.(BTW that's the psychology part) Ask yourself how you can introduce this activity in a way in which from their point of view they will see it as a benefit to them.
Marketing Principle: When selling something to someone, you want to 1. Focus on the potential benefits they will recieve, and 2. avoid talking about the negatives it will cost them.
"Would you please buy that used car from me. It gets terrible gas mileage and will probably break down on the way home, but if you buy it I make a $500 commission"
Once again, focus on their benefits. And don't invent costs that might not exist (IE they don't like doing it/think it's creepy. How do you know? You haven't tried it yet, for all you know in a month you'll be telling them to slow down with the whole diaper thing)
What are the bennefits to them? Well, for one the might realy like it. This isn't guaranteed, but don't discount the fact that your mate might realy realy get off on wearing diapers, or having a little girl/boy to put into diapers and play with.
And even if they don't like it, you do, and they probably enjoy giving you pleasure. This is especialy true if you compliment how good they are, and of course reciprocate with acts they enjoy(preferably acts involving your tongue).
First off, don't call it a fetish, fetishes are something perverts do, unless of course she's a realy kinky girl, then the word fetish makes her think of new fun. Again, come at the problem by looking at the situation from her point of view. Ask yourself what she likes and enjoys and find a way to make this fit into it.
That being said, be sure that you -introduce- the idea, slowly. People warm up to things, especialy unusual things, they don't just like them. People spend billions on drinking coffe each year an no one likes the stuff the first time they have it. Suggest something simple, that they will enjoy, and introduce it with as a testimonial from a article you read online.(For the record this is called using a proxy; it puts the responsibility and authority on someone or something else)
Notice the difference.
"I realy like diapers. I know it's a bit strange, but it turns me on. I actualy have some adult diapers in my stash, would you put them on for me please, I would realy appreciate it." Handing her the diapers with a sheepish grin,
vs
"So I saw this post online, this girl was talking about this thing she did that said gave her these great orgasms. You're gonna laugh at first, but just trust me." Bring a single diaper, when she laughs you laugh with her, but then you put them on her all in a mood of fun, pour a little bit of massage oil down the front of her diapers and proceed to make her feel very very good. Being sure to comment on how it seems a little silly, but she looks realy sexy in the diapers and how good it looks like it feels.
Scenerio 1 she's doing you a favor by indulging in your perversion.
Scenerio 2 she's trying a fun new sex game, in which she's the recipient of the pleasure.
and with scenario 2 she's not being asked to accept or decline a new lifestyle, only to try a crazy sex game. If she doesn't like it, no big deal. You can try again, telling her how much you enjoyed it or how sexy it made her look. It may not work out, but it's got a much better chance than scenario one. And if she doesn't like it, if you do eventualy tell her that you have a diaper fetish the shock value is decreased, cause she's been exposed to it.
Say she likes it; you move on to the next level. Say she doesn't care one way or another; you know that it doesn't freak her out and can ask her to do it for you. Say she absolutely hates it and finds it disgusting; then coming out to her would have been a disaster, you've still got the relationship, and diapers aren't an elephant in the living room.
You might ask, isn't this kind of lying? Shouldn't I be honest? Yes, but don't mistake honesty with truth.
Honesty: "you look beaftiful in that dress."
Truth: "But it does make your ass look fat."
I mean you've in a sense been lying to her since you met her regarding diapers. Albeit a lie of ommision. But you're not trying to decieve or trick her, merely present her your desires in a way that she will enjoy.
Besides, after you've moved onto to full on AB DL diaper fun, you should tell her that you've got a confession, "I've actualy always liked diapers, but you were more important to me than the diapers, so I kept it a secret so if you didn't like it we could still have our relationship." That is to say, the relationship was worth more to you than the diapers; yeah it's a confession, yeah you've got some explaining to do, but at least it's got a hint of romance.
Obviously this isn't suposed to be a step by step instruction booklet, but I think my point is that by a simple change of approach you can make things easier on the both of you, and increase the likelyhood that they will themselves enjoy it. And it'll be one hell of a lot more fun if both of you enjoy it.
BTW I realize this article was biased towards men, but it applies equaly as well to women. Sorry, I tried to make it gender neutral, but the english language doesn't make thay very easy ;-)
Email: moboya@yahoo.com